Karl Klockars

I remember I was listening to Steve Dahl one afternoon a while back, and realized I’d been listening long enough to hear him completely turn around on a position.  At some point, he was talking about something I can’t recall right now – let’s say it’s pancakes – and he had spent about 15 minutes talking about how ridiculous Sidekick’s opinions on pancakes are.  How could you think that about pancakes!  Pancakes are for sissies!  Nobody eats pancakes!  And why would I spend this much time talking about pancakes?   And how does this relate to the gosh-a-bleedin’ Presidency? 

And about a year previous (as a delivery driver, you spend a hell of a lot of time listening to talk radio) I had heard Steve say the exact opposite about pancakes.  I love pancakes!  Who doesn’t love pancakes!  Pancakes are the greatest thing on God’s green earth!  And here’s all the places where I love their pancakes.

Of course, it was a manufactured outlook for the sole purpose of antagonizing whoever he happened to be working with at that time.  And it worked.  It was funny, and it was entertaining.  I’m not passing on this anecdote to criticize the esteemed Mr. Dahl – not even close – because he’s an entertainer and not running for the most esteemed office in our land.  I was, however, reminded of the moment because of something I’ve been noticing over the past week or so in the Race for the White House.

Sidebar:  Has anyone noticed that MSNBC called their afternoon presidential-hunt TV show “Race for the White House”?  With “Race” so prevalent in the name?  Am I the only person that this strikes as funny?  Of all the words they could have used, and they pick “Race” in a campaign with a white guy v. a black guy?  I’m sure it means nothing.  But it hits me everytime I see it on the screen – which is about every afternoon.  They must be doing something right.

In any event, I was kinda proud that I had been around long enough to see one thing go a completely different direction – and that I could recall it. So now that everyone on the Republican side of the aisle is getting all cheesed off that Barack Obama is “acting too Presidential,” it makes me chuckle. I get that same kind of strange pride – I’ve seen this before.

Remember way back when, circa 2000 or so, there was a guy that wasn’t exactly president yet?  There was a long race, no one could figure out exactly what was going on and it was going to have to go to the courts to figure out what was going on.  Remember that?

I seem to recall that there was a time when the Republican candidate for president – no one knew if he was going to be president or not, it was all completely up in the air – that candidate was strutting around, doing that Presidential tour, making speeches and generally “acting presidential.”  And people were mad!  He was acting like the President before the election had been determined!  Holy crap!  How dare he!

And damnit, it worked.  At least on a level with the public and with a certain subconscious level, George W. Bush was acting like he had the thing wrapped up and he was the acting guy-in-chief.  And the opposition, that guy who happened to be the actual Vice President, didn’t look very presidential at all.

He sounded whiny, and there was all the complaining, suing, recounting, going to the courts and whaaa, whaaa, whaaa.  The man we were learning to know as “Dubya” was sauntering about, waving and smiling, kissing babies and gladhanding the populace.  Hey, buddy!  Hey, pal!  I’m president now!  Let’s have a beer!  Let’s drive your pickupIt worked like a charm.

Now, fast forward to eight years later.  Here we are, and those wascally wight wingers are all sorts of upset because Barack Obama is – gasp – acting like the freakin’ president!  He’s making speeches to foreign populaces!  Hanging out with foreign leaders!  And not a single vote has been cast!  How dare he smile and wave and make pronoucements about the future of the country!  Because it’s worked before, you dummies.  Ask Obama to not look Presidential?  Dare you ask a fish not to swim?  A bird not to fly?  A Steve Dahl to not talk about food – like pancakes.

It simply can’t work.  You can’t accuse a candidate of looking too presidential and imply that it’s a negative.  Anyone looking to be president had better look goddamn presidential.  The Obama campaign should be firing back, saying “Hey!  Is Senator McCain upset about not looking presidential enough?  Not our problem.  Is he mad that we’re looking like the President already?  He might as well point out that Michelle is looking too First Lady-ish, and everyone around me looks downright Cabinet-like!”

Okay, okay, I understand the difference.  Last time, it was after the vote had been made.  I get the fact that no one has actually tried to elect anyone yet.  It doesn’t matter.  I understand that he’s not even close to being president yet.  Who cares?  I fail to understand the idea that looking like a president is bad when you’re trying to be president.  If I’m trying to be a painter, shouldn’t I look like I can hold a brush?  If I’m trying to get that job, even if I’ve never cracked a can of paint before in my life, I better look like I can do it.  Get it?

AA says “fake it until you make it,” and after the election is over there’s going to be a considerable drying-out period.  Especially for those Kool-aid drinkers I keep hearing about.  Maybe I should go get some pancakes – and act very pancakeadential.  Perhaps the opposition party of Waffles ’08 will get upset.  But thems the breaks.