Karl Klockars

I love the Uptown theater.  I’ve never been inside it. I don’t even know if it’s ever been open within the span of my lifetime. And I’m never ever going to own it.  Unless I come up with a few million dollars by later on this afternoon, that is.  Apparently, since they don’t know who really owns the thing (which I’m sure is an awesome story in and of itself) they’re throwing it up for auction, and whoever shows up with the biggest check is the winner.

The Tribune says all you need to bring it back into former glories is about 40 million dollars.  And a heck of a drywaller.  I don’t have 40 million dollars – but I’ve got a hammer and one of those multi-headed screwdrivers.  Oh, and a power drill.  But it doesn’t matter.  Because if I bought the place, you know what I’d do with it?  Not a damn thing. (more…)