Karl Klockars

We were driving back from the airport last night, picking up a friend from out of town, when he asks – “So do you think people are going to go apeshit if Obama loses?”  And I says to myself, I says – I think we all agree that Chicago’s going to go apeshit whether he wins or loses.  Sometimes, we can all be the bad bunch of immature children that deserve every horrible thing that Residents Of Either Coast choose to sling at us.

We’ve already proven that we can’t handle victory very well, especially when it’s on our home turf.  And since a few Bulls victories last decade got us into the mood for raucousness, and we obviously have to prove our mettle compared to car-overturning Phillies fans after last night’s World Series Win, we’re rather primed for a collective Freak-Out on a global scale.

Let’s be straight.  If Barack Obama does not win, we will have some serious shit to deal with.  There’s going to be a very unhappy undercurrent running through the gathered crowd in Grant Park as well as the entire city, and the time to start laying the groundwork for calmness will have passed.  Someone needs to start doing so now.  Senator Obama isn’t going to do it – he’s out stumping for votes.  Also, having to appeal to your hometown to not explode into violence for reasons that involve you – that does not look good on a national stage.

"Ommmmm Don't Overturn Cars Ommmmmm..."

This is why now is the time, now and until the results have been tabulated (and maybe even beyond that) that someone in authority needs to come front and center and start the relaxing.  Someone needs to be a daily Zen Koan for a city.  “Ommmmmmmmm.  Don’t riot or anything in case this doesn’t go your way.  Ommmmmmmmm.”

Obviously that someone is Mayor Richard M. Daley.  All I’ve heard him talking about lately is guns, crime rates, murders, and more guns.  I wonder if he thinks that maybe – just maybe – this disgustingly violent city is simmering, simmering, just waiting for a reason to explode.  And in a city which has self-segregated more than any other city in the country, do you think that maybe the election or non-election of the first candidate of color to the Presidency of the United States would be a kinda big deal?

And yet, in the past few days, all I’ve heard about are how many port-o-potties are going to be at the rally, and all the tickets being given to major donors, and so on.  I haven’t heard anything about police in the streets, I haven’t heard anything about what kind of Secret Security presence will be out and about on the evening in question, I know nothing – which, admittedly, could very much be part of the plan.  I’m no security expert – isn’t part of reducing threats the knowledge of how much opposing force will be onhand to stymie any out-of-line fools and drunks?  I don’t know.  I could be wrong.

But would it be too imposing to ask for a little forward-thinking leadership from a man who basically has the mayorship in the bag through the rest of his natural born life?  I don’t ask for much.  Can I request a little imagination from the guy that runs the Homicide Capital of the Country?  Can’t I ask for this:

(To be read in the RMDaley impersonation of your choice – misprounce what you will.)

“Ladies and gentlemen, citizens of the City of Chicago.

We are rapidly approaching what could be a great day in the history of this great city.  One of our adopted sons, a citizen of the world and a man who chose to call Chicago home, may soon be ascending to the highest office in the land.  We wish Barack Obama nothing but the best, and hope for our city, our state, and our country that he be elected President of these United States.

But it’s not him I want to talk about tonight.  It’s us.  Us as Chicagoans, and us as an audience that will soon be front and center in the eyes of the planet.  As has been said in this city before, The Whole World Is Watching.  But this time, I ask you, Chicago, to show them how proud we are of our Democratic candidate for president.

Show the world that we respect our candidate, our city, and most of all, ourselves and each other.  Don’t show the world a Chicago that can’t rise to an occasion – any occasion, be it good or bad.  I don’t claim to know what’s going to happen next Tuesday night – but I can tell you what I want to happen.

I want to see the sons and daughters of Chicago out and celebrating with us in Hutchinson Field with Senator Obama.  But I want to see all of us celebrating safely, with restraint and candor.  I want all of us to be able to see ourselves through this momentous night in peace, and in harmony.

We’re on the cusp of having Chicago leave behind the image of Al Capone, and becoming the City of Obama.  I want to see a city that can show the people of the world that Chicago is worthy of having the entire world’s attention, and not dissappoint them with violence.  I want to see a city that deserves to have a President call Chicago home.”

But…I get the feeling that we’re going to be woefully lacking anything like this.  Instead, when we wake up on Wednesday morning, I’m afraid we’ll be hearing nothing but:

“We’ll do things differently. But, this crime could never have been prevented, unfortunately.”

Sounds familiar.  Prove me wrong, Mr. Mayor.