Karl Klockars

"Don't smile...don't smile...he's so cute and tiny but don't smile..."

…you’re in the right place.

I put these together for a radio bit yesterday, and barring any phonecalls from the Letterman crew saying “hey, why don’t you come write Top Ten lists for the show?” I’m thinking this is the only place they’re going to find a home.

So without further ado, I present:  “Bill Clinton Pickup Lines for use in North Korea!”  Cue drumrolls and snare hits.  Here we go.

• “This is the furthest I’ve ever travelled to pick up two chicks at once.”
• “You ladies want to visit my Demilitarized Zone?”
• “Boy, I’d love to travel south of your 38^th parallel.”
• “We can leave soon, but first things first – Kim Jong Il promised to show me his pornography collection.”
• “Before I let you out of this cell, I need you to call me your own personal Glorious Leader.”
• “Hillary’s never told me “Don’t come home unless you’ve brought two women with you” before.”
• “Hey, baby.  I got rice.”
• “Time to stop eating dog and come home with the big dog, baby.”
• “It used to be that I was the one begging journalists for freedom.”
• “As long as we’re over here in the Orient, could I get you two to put on these school girl outfits?”
• “I’m here to transport you to the People’s Democratic Republic of My Pants.”
• “Would you like to see my Pyongyang?”
• “For an Axis of Evil, you have to admit that your captors have pretty great taste in prisoners.”
• “You girls make me want to launch my unsanctioned intercontinental ballistic missiles..”

And finally, my favorite of all of these (which were written in about 20 minutes, for whatever it’s worth):

“You ladies know what my favorite Korean food is?  Bill – gogi.”

I’m here if you need me, Dave.  Just say the word.