Karl Klockars

This could quite possibly be a correllary post to my wildly popular and internationally famous Married Guys Guide To Picking Up Women, but we’ll leave it on its own for now.  Maybe it’ll be an index chapter.  You tell me exactly what you think and if the public outcry becomes too great, we’ll adjust it accordingly.  We’ll see.

But!  Having been married for some time (currently entering into my third mostly successful year) I’ve developed something of a sixth sense about one small little glance.  I feel like I can pass on a little bit of info about the level of sensitivity that married guys develop about:  The Look.

What is The Look?  It’s not a deep soulful stare into someone’s eyes.  It’s not a passing glance with neither a wink nor an eyebrow raise.  No sir – it’s a glance at a part of the body that otherwise would have next to no meaning except for our silly customs that have demanded that we all adorn our fingers with circles of metal.

That’s right, ladies – we’re well aware of that occasional downward glance at the fourth fingers on our left hand.  You can’t hide it.  You want to know if we’re attached or not.  And there’s a very simple way of finding out – it’s right out there for the world to see.  You’re looking for rings.  And we notice.

I’m not saying that I see it every day on the El.  I’m certainly not saying that I’m the dreamiest cat to come on the scene and I’m completely irresistable.  What I am saying is that if you think you’re being sly and clever by keeping an eye out for the band of metal that marks my kind as “taken” then you’re sorely mistaken.  And no, there’s no doubt that they’re peeking at my posterior.  It’s thoroughly unspectacular in every way.

Gentlemen, this knowledge can not and will not benefit me in any way, but as you exit your 20s and more and more men dive headfirst into committed relationships, this is a behavior that my far more single friends might want to keep an eye out for.

“But Why,” asks the legions of my single friends?  Shouldn’t I be more interested in her hopes, her dreams, her socially casual attitudes about sexual contact and her friends that share those views?  The answer is…yeah, sure.  But!  If the lady whom you’re discussing European trade law and international policy with over wine flights (or buying PBRs at the Motorhead show, either/or) glances down at your hand, and then looks back up…you’ve been given a distinct impression that she is curious as to your relationship status.  And that is a clear indication that she might be considering you as someone who could be potentially relationship-y.

Whether or not you consider this a good thing or not is entirely up to you.  But it is a very obvious expression of possible interest, it is easily noticed, and for the most part, I believe it to be almost entirely unintentional.  It’s like when the doctor hits your knee with that rubber thing and your leg pops up.  It’s a reaction.  It’s when the words “is he single” flash across the billboard of her mind and the eyes snap towards the hand – you can’t prevent that.  Well, almost.

Ladies, this goes for you too.  Don’t think that I’ve forgotten about the other half of the equation.  Part of my personal growing-up was when I realized I was sitting in meatmarket bars in St. Charles, Illinois and I was keeping an eye out for those glinting pieces of hyper-compressed carbon that indicate ownership by the male.  When you enter that realm, you’ve left behind the no-holds-barred world of high school and college dating.  You’re in the big-kid zone, at the adult table of social interaction.  The Look is just less pronounced for males because – and we’re being frank because we’re all friends here – guys don’t really care about things like “fiancees” and things like that.  Thems the breaks.

So, guys.  You might think that she’s only curious about what kind of shoes you’re wearing (which might also be the case, so be aware and pay attention) or is just wondering what is stuck to the bottom of her heels, but if you make eye contact and see that gaze drop to the appendages at the ends of your arms…well, it’s not an open door but consider it a light on the porch.  Something is going on in there, and you might be invited in.

Go now and capitalize on the wisdom that I’ve passed on to you.  I don’t need it any more.  But the richness of the human experience that I can give to the generation of single gentlemen that is in my demographic…well, that’s just my gift to the world.  Don’t squander it.