Karl Klockars

Rod Blagojevich is the political equivalent of a wifebeater.

I mentioned this on the Chicagoist live-blogging post about the Blago statement/speech/hunk of self-congradulatory masturbation…but I think it merits a bit of expansion.  I don’t know much about actual wifebeating – and please feel free to ask my wife for confirmation – but from what I’ve gathered, a common trait is that they blame everybody but themselves.

As in:  It wasn’t my fault I hit her.  She drove me to it.  You don’t understand the kind of pressure I’m under.  All the things I do around here, for everyone in this house, and this is the thanks I get.  These things I come home to, they’re intolerable.  I don’t believe in violence, anyways!

As in:  It wasn’t me that did anything.  It’s the way things happen in this state.  You don’t know how the Governor’s office works.  Look at AllKids and free rides for seniors, and this is how you repay me?  These things in the state that I have to put up with!  I am not corrupt, I fight corruption, and I’ve never done anything wrong!

I spent an hour of my life that I’m not getting back listening to the Governor plead and wheedle and bluster about all the great things he’s done, and all the amazing things he’s accomplished, and the fine people that he’s helped during his time as Governor of this state.

There was a lot of time spent that made me think we were back on the campaign trail, where he was talking all about his coal-miner father and immigrant roots and his goofy name and all that jazz about his hard-scrabble roots.  There was a nearly endless minute-by-minute recap of the rough days and busy nights of a woman who worked hard for her money, so hard for it, honey.

All I could think of is the drunken, a-line shirt wearing meathead being led out of his trailer-park home in handcuffs, screaming at his common-law wife that he was going to kick the shit out of her when he got back home.  That he wasn’t done with her yet.  Then, ten seconds later, decaying into tears and racked with guilt, proclaiming his undying love for said wife, that he’d never hurt her, that he never meant to hurt her, that he loves her so much and can’t believe he’d done that.

I spent another part of my day listening to the rebuttal statements of the State Senators and reminding myself that yes, the system was working.  Yes, it’s how it’s supposed to be.  That yes, these people that we generally assume are leeches and do-nothings sponging off the general good faith of the citizenry, are actually doing something and it’s something we have been dying for them to do.

(I also spent a few minutes of my day thinking, “Man, some of these guys are terrible public speakers.)

If you have a chance to listen to the prosecutors rebuttal speech delivered after the now ex-Governor’s statement, do so.  If you had any sort of pity in your heart for the goofy-haired Lego guy who was being railroaded by that Big Bad Springfield Crowd, prosecutor David Ellis’ short statement afterward will kill any such soft spot in your heart.

(Actually, it’s right here, and WBEZ continues to kick ass with its availability of audio from public officials.)

Short of a resignation, here’s what most of us in the state of Illinois wanted to hear Rod Blagojevich say:  “Listen, y’all.  I know I screwed up.  I came in here and said what the voters wanted to hear – that I wasn’t going to be corrupt like Governor Ryan – and I totally bailed on that one.”

“But I really did want to do good things.  I think I did do some good things.  And I’ve finally gotten past my self-denial and I’m ready to say this:  I’m sorry.  For everything.  For the past two years, I’ve been doing the wrong things.  I’ve created for myself a world where I’m the savior, where I’m the superhero, where I’m the one that saves the day for the state of Illinois.”

“And that’s a world that I no longer live in.  I’m not that guy.  I thought I was when I gave everything away to our kids and seniors.  Those aren’t bad things, but I went about it all wrong.  I thought I was a cowboy in a white hat, just like that Sun-Times cover showed me as (which I thought was pretty funny, by the way).”

“In the last couple weeks of press, I’ve tried to make the point that I was defending myself to prove a point to my daughters.  I’m surprised no one has said this yet, but lying to yourself and being who you’re not is not a good way to live, and not a good example to set for your children.”

“So I’m saying this now to my kids:  Your dad screwed up, he’s going to face his mistakes like a man, and going to take what’s coming to him.  That’s what real men do when they screw up, and I hope that’s what you look for in a man in your future.  I hope I’m in your future, but the things I’ve done are pretty bad, and I’m going to be honest – I might not be there.”

“But I had responsibilities to not just you kids.  I had responsibilities to the people of this state.  And I totally screwed them over.  I wish I hadn’t.  I really wish I hadn’t.  But I did, and I accept whatever the State Senate decides to put upon me.”

That’s not what we got.  We got a tiny little man, drunk on his own dwindling power and self-aggrandizement, swinging his little fists out and trying to strike anything he could, and whining that it’s not fair, it’s not fair, it’s not fair.  He’s the bully that finally got punched in the nose, and now he’s upset and surprised that someone fought back.